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How to be charming

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1 How to be charming on Sat Jan 26, 2013 3:28 pm

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How to Be Charming
Charm is the art of having an attractive personality. This characteristic can be achieved only over a period of time. While everyone is born with differing amounts of natural charm, much can be acquired and honed through practice and patience. As with dancing, the more you practice, the better you will become.
Steps Tips and Warnings
1
Be genuinely interested in people . You don't haveto love everyone, but you should be curious or fascinated by peoplein some way. If you're empathic, maybe you're interested in how people feel. Or you could be interested in how people work (psychology), or what people know (if you're an avid learner). Learn how to ask questions based on your interests while being polite (i.e. without prying) and others will feel they are interesting.
2
Remember people's names when you meet them for the first time. This takes an enormous amount of effort for most people. When introducing yourself, repeating the person's name will help you to remember it. For example: "Hi, Jack, I'm Wendy." Follow through with small talk and use the person's name during your conversation. Repeat it once more when you say goodbye. Repeating someone's name is not just about helpingyou to remember that person. The more often you say someone's name, the more that person will feel that you like them and the greater the chance they'll warm up to you.
3
Assume rapport . This simply means talking to a stranger or a newly met acquaintance in a very friendly manner, as if the person is a long lost friend or relative. This helps break down an initialawkwardness and speeds up the warm-up process when meeting new people. Soon, people feel more welcomed and comfortable around you.
*. Kindness, coupled with respect, makes others feel as if they are loved and cared for. This is a powerful tool during interaction.
4
Smile with your eyes . Scientists have pinpointed more than 50 types of smiles, and research suggests that the sincerest smile of all is the Duchenne smile - a smile that pushes up into the eyes. [1] The reason it's more genuine is because the muscles needed to smile with our eyes are involuntary; they only become engaged in an authentic smile, not in a courtesy smile. [2] Also, ifyou look at someone and then smile, it will instantly charm them.
5
Take into account topics that interest those around you, even if you're not so keen on them . Ifyou're in a sporty crowd,talk about last night's game or the meteoric rise of a new team. If you'rewith a group of hobbyists, ask about theirhobbies and make pertinent remarks related to fishing , knitting, mountain climbing, movies, etc. Nobody expects you to be an expert. Sometimes you can build rapport just by asking questions, and not caring if you seem naive. There are people who like talking about and explaining their interests, and will like you for listening. It is your level of interest and willingness to engage in topics that makes you an interesting person to be around. Exercise an open mind . Let others do the explaining. If someone mistakenly thinks you know more about the topic, be genuine and simply say that your knowledge is limited but thatyou're hoping to learn more about it.
6
Control your tone of voice . The tone of your voice is crucial. Voice should be gentle and peaceful. Articulate, speak clearly, and project your voice. When you say "You look nice today", it should be in the exact same tone that you would use to say"It's a nice day." Any variation fromyour normal tone will arouse suspicion about your sincerity. Practice giving compliments into a recorder and play it back. Does it sound sincere? Practice untilyou get it right.
7
Watch the way you phrase things . Be mature and have a touch of wise, polite language. Don't you find people that say"Hello" are much more charming than people that mutter "'Sup"? Here is another example: Change "It's none of his beeswax!" to "It shouldn't be any of his concern." Of course, don't overdo it, but try to be polite and turn every negative into a positive. It will really giveyou charm.
8
Issue compliments generously; this especially raises others' self esteem . Pick out something that you appreciate in anysituation and verbally express that appreciation. If you like something or someone, find a creative way to say it and say it immediately. If you wait too long, it may be viewed as insincere and badly timed, especially if others have beaten you to it. Because you waited, youare most likely not confident in saying what you thought; waiting will result in aless than enthusiastic presentation. If you notice that someone is putting a lot of effort into something, compliment them, even if you feel that there is room for improvement. If you notice that someone has changed something about themselves (haircut, manner of dress, etc.), notice it and point out something you like about it. If you're asked directly, be charming and deflect thequestion with a very general compliment.
9
Be gracious in accepting compliments . Get out of the habit of assuming that a compliment is being given without genuine intent. Even when someone makes a compliment out of contempt, there is always a germ of jealous truth hiding in their own heart. Be effusive in accepting the compliment. Go beyond a mere "Thank you" and enjoin this with"I'm glad you like it," or "It is so kind of you to have noticed." These are compliments in return.
*. Avoid backhanding a compliment. There is nothing worse to a person complimenting than to receive the response "Oh well, I wish I were as ______ as you in that situation." This is tantamount to saying, "No, I am not what you are saying I am; your judgment is wrong."
10
Praise others instead of gossiping . If you're speaking with someone or you're talking in a group of people, and up pops the subject of another person in a positive or negative way, be the one to mention something you like about thatperson . Kind hearsay is the most powerful tool in gaining charm because it is always viewed as 100percent sincere . It has the added benefit of creating trust in you. The idea will spreadthat you never have a bad word to say about anyone. Everyone will know that their reputation is safe with you.
11
Sometimes being charming is about simply being a good listener . Charm isn't always an outward expression, but an inward one too. Engage the other person to talk more about his or herself, about something that they like, something they'repassionate about, about themselves. This makes the other person more comfortable to share and express themselves with you.
Tips
*.
Behave honestly; being honest will add points in front of others. 146 Helpful? 16
*.
Do not avoid eye contact. Look into their eyes when you talk to them. 169 Helpful? 18
*.
Improve your posture . Throw those shoulders back and let them drop (relax). When you walk, imagine you're crossing a finish line; the first partof your body to cross should be your torso, not your head. If you have poor posture, your head will be pushed forward, which makes you seem timid and insecure.(If you're female, push your breasts forward. Sounds odd but it has helped melearn proper posture) 141 Helpful? 17
*.
Cursing is something to avoid doing; it puts a lot of people off, and it won't make you seem like a charming person. 163 Helpful? 18
*.
The degree of charm that you possess depends onthe creativity of your praise. Say something that isnot immediately obvious and say it in a poetic way. It's good to have some premeditated compliments and phrases but the most charming people are able to invent them on the spot. This way, you can be sure that you are not repeating it.If you can't think of anything to say, bring up a current event that is interesting. 137 Helpful? 22
*.
Also, when you greet someone, make them feel they are the most important person to you. They will respond more nicely and always know what a great person you are. 125 Helpful? 22
*.
Empathy is at the core of charm. If you can't tell what makes people happy or unhappy, you have no way to assess whether you are saying the rightor wrong thing. 122 Helpful? 24
*.
Try standing to the right of a person when you talk to them. 98 Helpful? 40
*.
Smile at people you meet. 21 Helpful? 5
*.
Add a bit of humor to your conversation, but keepit civil. 17 Helpful? 2
*.
Put some humor in the things you say. Most girls love a guy who can make them laugh.

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