John Locke is a professor of linguistics at Lehman College, City University of New York. He is the author of Duels and Duets: Why Men and Women Talk So Differently ( Cambridge University Press ).
Women are complicated beings. When a woman chooses a man, she thinks abut his personal qualities, not just the way he looks. In first-date conversations , women listen for signs of masculinity and intelligence. They are looking for a man who will be entertaining and fun. In a partner, women want a man who also has a job with a good income and the possibility of advancement.
In Duels and Duets , I discuss the things women learn about men from the way they talk to other men. I also explain why it can be a mistake to speak to women in that same way, since women prefer more harmonious ways of talking. Taken from my research, here are 5 ways to talk to women that will help you impress them .
No. 1 Use A Low-Pitched Voice
The pitch of the voice is determined by physical properties of the larynx, which are heavily influenced by testosterone. Basses and baritones have more testosterone than tenors, and men withlots of this sex hormone are unusually confident, assertive and virile (men with deep voices father significantly more offspring than other men). If asked, women say they prefer the sound of men with deep voices. This is especially around the so-called “high risk” point in their menstrual cycle when estrogen levels are at their peak. Men with low-pitched voices sound healthier, older, more dominant, and more masculine.
No. 2 Stand Up Straight
If you want to make a good first impression , stand tall. Research indicates that tall men are more intelligent and earn more money than their shorterpeers. Men who stand erect seem taller than they really are, and they also appear dominant. If you want to assume a commanding way about you, do not curl up in a ball. When gesturing, it’s also best to use expansive gestures that open up the body and make it seem larger than it actually is.
No.3 Use rare words
Studies reveal that people who know many words are usually more intelligent than others. Of course it’s difficult to display the full extent of your lexical knowledge in the first few seconds of conversation. Fortunately, people with large vocabularies also know more rare words. If a man says that some event was “boring,” he will do nothing to boost his perceived intelligence, but if he says that it was “uninspiring” or “insipid,” he will. It only takes a few seconds to do that.
No.4 Be verbally playful
Studies indicate that women regard men who put words together in novel and interesting ways as more intelligent than others. If you want to impress a woman or get her attention, show her that you can combine ordinary words in clever ways. Inventiveness and eloquence attract favorable attention. Before it was a performance medium, rap was a colorful way of speaking that was used to seduce women. It worked.
No.5 Display a sense of humor
When asked, men say they want a woman who will appreciate their sense of humor, and women do prefer men who say things that make them laugh. But there are different kinds of humor. Women do not like jokes that make fun of others, especially those who are less fortunate. On the other hand, humor at one’s own expense can be disarming. So, should you go out and by a joke book? Save your money. Women do not like canned humor. You’ll have to find your own ways to amuse.